Shiver
by SlytherinFTW
Summary: Howard thinks about his relationship with Vince.


**Title:** Shiver

**Pairing:** Howince

**Summary:** Howard thinks about his relationship with Vince.

**Word Count:** 905

**Rating:** G

**Genre:** Angst

**Disclaimer:** The characters aren't mine, and neither is the song _Shiver._ That's by Coldplay.

_So I look in your direction  
But you pay me no attention, do you?  
I know you don't listen to me  
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?  
_

You sit on the couch, obviously feigning interest in what I'm saying in favour of the television. I don't let on that I know you're not listening to me, and I pretend to both you and myself that you are listening to every word I say, enraptured.

_And on and on  
From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep  
I'll be there by your side, just you try and stop me  
I'll be waiting in line just to see if you care  
_

I don't know whether you know or not, but you're my best friend. I like to think you do know, because we've been together for a long time now. But you don't show it, and so I have my doubts. Sometimes I'm not even sure if you care about me at all.

_Did you want me to change?  
Well I changed for good  
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way  
I wanted to say  
_

I know that you've changed over the past few years more than the rest of the time I've known you. I don't know if I myself have changed to compensate, but I probably have, even if it was just momentarily, on a whim because of something to do with you.

_Don't you shiver  
Shiver  
Sing it loud and clear  
I'll always be waiting for you  
_

Sometimes I stay up late, just to make sure you come home in one piece. I like to hear you singing drunkenly at the top of your lungs from down the street. It's been a while since we last performed, just the two of us in our strange band, and I miss hearing you sing when we practice, when I'm your audience.

_So you know how much I need you  
But you never even see me, do you?  
And is this my final chance of getting you  
_

I've told you so many times that I love you, and I've meant it every time. I don't think you know that, though, or maybe you think that I'm saying that I love you because you're my best friend. Either way, I'm not going to give up on you.

_And on and on  
From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep  
I'll be there by your side, just you try and stop me  
I'll be waiting in line just to see if you care  
_

We've shared a room for so long, I think it'd be strange to wake up or go to sleep without the sounds of you sleeping in the room. I like the close companionship sharing a room brings; we comfort each other during bad dreams, and when we can't sleep we talk and crimp into the night. It's something you don't share with anyone but me.

_Did you want me to change?  
Well I changed for good  
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way  
I wanted to say  
_

I know that I should refuse to do things for you instead of bowing down to your every whim, but I love you too much to be able to deal with your crocodile tears for too long. I know that you won't let them go on for too long, anyway, in case it ruins your makeup, but I still can't help it. Most of the time, though, all I have to do is look at you, your eyes big with a childlike naivety, and I can't bear to deny you anything.

_Don't you shiver  
Don't you shiver  
Sing it loud and clear  
I'll always be waiting for you  
_

We rarely go out places together any more, and I miss those times. Maybe you're ashamed to be seen with me. I want things to go back to how they used to be, when you didn't care as much about what everyone thought about you. I had hoped that after the whole encounter with The Flighty Zeus that you'd see reason, but to no avail. I know that soon another breakdown will come, like the one you had when Lance Dior first arrived on the scene, and I'll be ready to comfort you again.

_Yeah I'll always be waiting for you  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you  
I will always be waiting  
_

Sometimes I dream that you admit to me that you love me. I hope that dreams do come true. Until then, I'll have to be satisfied with what we have. That's enough for me if I know I can't have you any other way.

_And it's you I see but you don't see me  
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear  
I sing it loud and clear  
And I'll always be waiting for you  
_

No matter what you do, no matter what crazy escapades you drag me into, I'll always be there with you the whole way. That's how it's always been, and I don't plan on changing that any time soon.

_So I look in your direction  
But you pay me no attention  
And you know how much I need you  
But you never even see me_

But you don't know how much you mean to me.


End file.
